There's a Side To You That I Never Knew
by mooncheese1331
Summary: There's a side to Santana that no one, not even Brittany,knows about. No one knows that she's been to Africa. No one knows why she had to go to a camp. Then she takes N. D. on a retreat. Will all be revealed? Secrets are called secrets for a reason...
1. Chapter 1

"I can't believe you would be so selfish!"

"It's not my fault!"

"How dare you say that?"

"Rachel this is my FUTURE! HE came to ME."

"You're LYING AGAIN!"

"I'm NOT!"

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE YOU?"

"BECAUSE I'M YOUR BOYFRIEND! SCRATCH THAT, YOUR FIANCEE!"

"YOU JOINED THE ARMY WITHOUT TELLING ME!"

"YOU'RE RIGHT, I DID!"

"YOUR DAD DIED IN THE FREAKING ARMY!"

"YEAH! HE DID! I WANT TO BE LIKE HIM!"

"DEAD?"

"A HERO!"

"HE WAS DISHONORABLY DISCHARGED! I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO GO TO THE ACTOR'S STUDIO!"

"I found out you need like seven years of college, Rae. I'm too late to get into any colleges."

"YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME!"

"THAT'S. ENOUGH." Mr. Schue's voice boomed throughout the choir room. "I feel like there is, once again, a lot of me talk going around. You two are engaged for crying out loud! Act like a couple! Finn, you should have told Rachel that you were JOINING THE ARMY. Rachel, you should support your FIANCEE! I'm organizing a retreat. You all have to come. Santana, you will pick the place because you haven't offended anyone in the last week."

"WHAT? HOW IS THAT FAIR?"

"It is what it is, Rachel. Now sit down and act like a supportive fiancée."

Santana smirked to herself. She had the perfect place in mind.

/

Santana passed out the flyers for Bleska Koda. The camp's flyer featured a man zip lining about 50 feet over a lake. The camp was located about 3.5 hours away from them, in Saginaw, Michigan.

The club openly gaped at her when she passed them out.

"Do you have a death wish?" Rachel shrieked.

"Oh hush Berry. I've been there before. The name literally means Lake Friend. I've decided to show you guys the real Santana, not the conceited, bitchy one you know and love."

"Well, I wouldn't say love…but that doesn't answer my question." Rachel said, tapping her foot.

"Look, it helped me get over some stuff. It's for kids that need bonding time, recovery time, or a way of getting over something. It helped me."

"Why did you need to get over something?"

"I don't feel comfortable disclosing that information at this moment." Santana said. The answer sounded canned and like she had said it before.

The club frowned but skimmed through the flyer.

Rachel read aloud the stuff she found 'wrong' with the camp. "Zip lining, hang gliding, cliff diving, rope course …" she muttered.

"Come on, Rachel, it'll be fun." Santana coaxed.

"Fine." she sighed. Santana laughed.

"Okay, so there are a ton of surprises that they don't tell you about in the brochure. For example, I now speak Lakota and Navajo. Plus Spanish and the little Swahili I picked up on mission trips to Africa with my dad. I also know a little Hawaiian from this girl that was my roommate. That's one surprise. Also, the caves. There are underwater caves everywhere, and god, they are so beautiful." she paused, and the club was staring at her open-mouthed.

"Mission…mission trips to Africa." Quinn said.

"Yep. And a few others. Machu Picchu is lovely this time of year."

"You have to be kidding me."

"Nope."

"Well, Santana I think this is a lovely choice for our retreat." Mr. Schue said with a pointed look towards the rest of the club.

Santana nodded and handed out permission slips into the shocked club's hands.

This would be awesome.

**Next up: More about the real Santana! And why do you think she had to go to Bleska Koda? There's a poll and a review box, so give me your thoughts! All will be revealed in a while. **


	2. Chapter 2

The New Directions arrived around 5 at Bleska Koda. Santana jumped out of the van-scratch that-somersaulted out of the van and sprinted towards the registration building.

The other members followed her and saw her animatedly speaking Lakota to a tan Native American woman behind the desk. They hugged and Santana laughed.

The glee club was scratching their heads when Santana turned to the club. "These are my friends from glee club." she introduces. The members go around and say their name. The woman smiles and speaks English this time.

"Lovely to meet you. And Santana, how are you doing?" she asks, although the question seems to ask more than that.

"I'm fine, the wakse are fine, and thank you so much for having us. Also the nightmares are gone." Santana tells her and the woman beams.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I've been so rude, my name is Hawacipi Sumanitu Taka, or Dancing Wolf." the woman says. "You can call me DW or Dance or Dancer." She says with a wink.

"Thank you Dance." Santana says, hugging the woman again.

Santana sprints out the door and the glee club figure it best to follow her. They find her at a cabin with colorful rocks at the base. "This is our cabin. Boys on the right, girls on the left." she explains and dashes off again.

The glee club is starting to get winded, but what they see next astounds them. Santana is on a bench and she is talking animatedly to a girl with no legs.

"Hey guys, this is Sonya. Sonya this is my glee club."

Sonya gave a little wave and giggled.

Santana told her something and dashed off again in the direction of the lake. The glee club was very much winded, but Santana wouldn't stop moving. She was a ball of energy, dancing across the camp.

When they found her, they were all staring open-mouthed. Santana was on the edge of a cliff and was rapidly removing her shirt, leaving her in jean shorts and a bra. Next to her was a muscled man and next to him was a tan girl. From the way the boy and girl were holding hands it wasn't hard to tell that they were in some kind of relationship.

Santana turned her head and flashed a cheeky grin at the club.

"Santana…what are you doing?" Mr. Schue asked.

"Camp activities. I'm your counselor so I call the shots basically, and right now I'm demonstrating an activity you will all participate in. It's a trust exercise, plus you get a wicked adrenaline rush." She said with a grin.

"Wait you're our counselor? How?"

"Dance told me to. She said that first timers need guidance and I was experienced enough so she gave me this badge and had me sign a few papers and now I'm your counselor." Santana rushed out.

"So what exactly are you doing?"

"Watch." she said and turned to the man.

"David, you ready?"

"Yep."

"Kara, you ready?"

"'Ae"

"Okay, one, two, three."

With that she locked hands with David, who was still holding hands with Kara.

The glee club furrowed their eyebrows at her.

Santana jumped over the cliff, the other two in tow.

The club screamed.

Santana splashed into the water and realized what she had just done.

"Shit. They don't know about my 'Alina." she thought.

She ducked under water and thought for a second.

"Eh, they'll be too terrified of the water."

/

Santana was back up at the top of the cliff, and passing out goggles. She grasped the others' hands and walked to the edge. Rachel planted her feet but Santana just yanked and she was right back up with them.

"Ready?"

"No."

"Okay."

With that she jumped off the edge, dragging everyone behind her. They screamed and she laughed.

They hit the water with a resounding splash and Santana motioned for the others to follow her. They did so, still shaken from the cliff diving, but what Santana led them to took their breath away.

Santana led them to a bigger underwater cave. There was a rather large air pocket that they used to breathe, but wow. There were crystals and tokens and shells. Santana made a motion that told everyone to get above the water to hear her.

"This is one of the biggest underwater caves they have. You write your problem on the wall and its part of the healing process. Here's the stuff you use, now write!" Santana gave them a push and handed them all some paint that was always on a ledge.

"Which one's yours?"

"That one." Santana said, pointing in the general direction of the wall. They laughed at her vagueness and Santana shook her head.

In the dim cave light she could make out her writing. Instead of stating her problem, all it said was 'Help, for I am broken'.

**AHA! If you're my stalker/beta (I'm not really sure what BrittSnixx is) then you know what what's going on really. Next chapter will be up soon! Also tell me what you think happened (excluding my stalker cuz i already told yous). Once again, there is a poll. Also there is a very attractive review button right below this! You should totally tap that.**


	3. Chapter 3

Santana collapsed onto her bed, the other girls doing the same.

"Africa, huh?" Quinn finally broke the silence.

Santana allowed a small grin to tug at the corners of her lips. "Yeah. It's beautiful, those kids are wonderful…" she mused, closing her eyes.

The girls looked over at her and smiled. Santana was finally out of her shell.

Brittany walked over to her and stroked her head, effectively bringing her back to the present.

Santana opened her eyes. "I love you." she whispered. Brittany grinned and kissed her chastely before grabbing some shampoo.

"I'm gonna shower." she stated and walked to the bathroom.

Santana was suddenly alert.

"Wait, Britt, wait. I have an activity that we're gonna do that you don't wanna be clean for."

"Fine." she huffed and sat back down on her bed.

"Okay so everyone, I'm gonna go tell the boys, but remember the tank top and shorts you were supposed to bring? Put those on. If you forgot them then I brought two extras, they're in my backpack."

The girls nodded and Santana walked over to the boys' area. Every one of them would be in there, except Artie. Artie had decided not to come due to the fact that the courses weren't wheelchair-accessible.

"Hey Schue, can I come in?"

"Sure."

"Okay. Change into your tank top and shorts, we're leaving in five."

"Where are we going?"

"Surprise." Santana said, and then turned on her heel.

When she got back to the girls' room, she found them all dressed. She nodded her approval and motioned for them to get out of the room.

"Wait in the living room, okay?"

They nodded and Santana changed quickly, lest any of them see.

She exited the room and found the club all ready to go.

"Everyone got water bottles?" she asked. They all nodded.

"Great. Follow me."

They got up and Santana started a slow jog in the direction of a mountain.

Once they reached a narrow trail, they found Dance, Kara, David, and another girl waiting for them. All of them were dressed the same as the glee club, the difference was that they weren't panting.

"Wow you guys are out of shape." Santana commented and turned to Dance.

"Ready to head up?"

"Yep."

"Okay then, club follow us! This is Jas by the way." She said, effectively introducing the other girl.

Santana started to jog, the others following behind her. When they had gone about 100 yards the sun was starting to set and the twilight illuminated everything.

Santana patiently waited for the less-fit club members to catch up in a clearing.

She pointed to a fork in the trail.

"Okay. Which trail is the right one?"

"I don't know." the club said.

"The left one?" Rachel guessed.

"Wrong."

"The right?"

"Wrong again. The right leads to a waterfall. The left leads to our destination. Neither one is 'right'; one is just the path we need to take. Same for our lives. You are faced with two decisions; they're both right in their own way. The difference is not right and wrong; it's which one we need to take."

The club stared at her and got a drink of water.

Santana grinned. "So, let's go. Kara, I'll race you!" she yelled and sprinted through the left fork.

Dance shook her head and smiled at the club.

"David, Jas, follow them. Glee club, sorry about that. Has Santana told you about her five track championships?"

The club tilted their head, confused.

"I guess not then." Dance chuckled.

"Why didn't she tell us?" Quinn asked, her eyes narrowed.

"That's for her to tell. Now, if you'll follow me, Santana's probably already there."

"Where?"

"Surprise." Dance answered, and started running up the hill.

The club groaned and muttered, but followed Dance nonetheless. They whimpered as a particularly difficult climb evened out into something of a mesa.

When they found Santana, she already had a fire going. There were two packs by the trees and Santana was grinning devilishly.

"Okay, set up your tents." she ordered, and motioned to Kara who was setting one up.

"She lost the race." Santana chuckled.

"Wait…are we sleeping here? On the ground?" Rachel shuddered.

"Si, senorita. Now hurry, it's almost too dark."

Santana continued to stoke the fire and jumped when she felt David brush against her. Her eyes glazed over and she shuddered. Jas must have realized what was happening, because she led Santana over to a tree. Santana glanced at her, her eyes laced with fear.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked in a small voice. Dance realized what had happened and made sure none of the glee club went over to her.

Santana was shaking and crying at this point.

"Why-why?" she kept repeating.

Jas stroked her hair and said something in Hawaiian to Kara. Kara was at her side in a flash, holding Santana's hand.

"San, San, come on, it's just PTSD. They're not really there. It's okay sweetie. You're with Kara and Jasmine." Jas whispered. Santana pulled her eyes away from the thing that wasn't really there and focused on Kara.

"Why?" she asked again, her lower lip trembling.

"I don't know." Kara replied honestly.

Santana shrieked and blacked out.

/

Santana woke up to a worried Dance, Brittany, Quinn, and Kara.

"Sorry." She told Kara.

Brittany and Quinn glanced at each other and then looked at her.

"San?" Brittany asked.

"Yeah B?"

"Why did you scream?"

"I had a flashback to the thing that made me come here."

They got quiet and Santana stood up shakily. She needed to do something…something that would get her away from people.

"Kara. Kara, I'm going to that one spot to do that one thing. Don't let anyone to that spot." she said out of the corner of her mouth and walked away.

/

Santana lay in the grass, stargazing. She saw a few fireflies, but mainly stars. She got up slowly and saw the cliff below her. One false move and she could end her life.

She brushed the thought away. She wasn't suicidal.

But still…

"No." Santana scolded and walked away from the cliff. She closed her eyes and followed her ears to the waterfall. She smiled slightly at the spray that greeted her. She hopped down onto a ledge, and from there she ducked under the waterfall. It was another cave, but it wasn't very big. There was chalk that people used to write letters on. She read hers to herself and smiled regretfully.

_Dear Santana,_

_I'm severely depressed. It haunts my dreams at night. I hope this place can make me better. I know the evidence that this is real will still hurt, and will probably be with me for the rest of my life. Dance says nature might help._

_I'm broken._

_~Santana_

She grimaced. She grabbed a piece of chalk and wrote next to the original letter.

_Dear Santana,_

_I'm still broken, but I'm mending._

_~Santana_

**So who wants to find out what happened to Santana? There's an incredibly therapeutic review button right under this…and it will listen to what you think.**


	4. Chapter 4

Santana lifted her shirt over her body, examining the evidence.

_You think I'm just an ignorant savage__  
__And you've been so many places; I guess it must be so__  
__But still I cannot see, if the savage one is me__  
__How can there be so much that you don't know?__  
__You don't know..._

Santana poked at the puckered flesh. She mentally reminded herself to buy more concealer. She was aware of breathing in the doorway, and was relieved when she heard Kara's voice.

"Sad?"

"You have no idea."

"Why did you come back?"

"I-This is where I conquered my problems. The glee club had problems, so I brought them here."

"That's not the only reason. I can sense it."

"…fine. I don't want to fall back into depression."

"Sweetie…"

"Kara those were the worst months of my life."

"I understand."

"Thanks."

_You think you own whatever land you land on__  
__The earth is just a dead thing you can claim__  
__But I know every rock and tree and creature__  
__Has a life, has a spirit, has a name._

Santana and Kara continued to speak for a few minutes, and then Santana pulled on a tank top with jean shorts.

_You think the only people who are people__  
__Are the people who look and think like you__  
__But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger__  
__You'll learn things you never knew you never knew_

She walked slowly out the door, down the ramp, and to a field. The club wouldn't find her here, she was positive.

_Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon__  
__Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned__  
__Can you sing with all the voices of the mountain__  
__Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?__  
__Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?_

She spotted the faint trail amongst the pine trees and started to run, shedding her shirt as she ran.

_Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest__  
__Come taste the sun-sweet berries of the earth__  
__Come roll in all the riches all around you__  
__And for once never wonder what they're worth_

She stopped in a clearing, blinded by her tears.

"How can someone love a beast?" she snarled to herself.

"Why did I think it was a great idea to come back here?"

She wiped at her tears, but it was to no avail.

_The rainstorm and the river are my brothers__  
__The heron and the otter are my friends__  
__And we are all connected to each other__  
__In a circle in a loop that never ends_

It started to drizzle slightly. Santana looked at the sky and stood up, sighing. "Great."

_Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon__  
__Or let the eagle tell you were he's been__  
__Can you sing with all the voices of the mountain__  
__Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?__  
__Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?_

She groaned as she realized she was without a shirt, but tears came again as she saw her stomach.

_How high does a sycamore grow?__  
__If you cut it down then you'll never know__  
__And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon__  
__For whether we are white or copper skinned__  
__We need to sing with all the voices of the mountain__  
__We need to paint with all the colors of the wind_

Santana screamed at the sky, letting all the pressure off her mind. She stopped when breath became a problem, and heard a slow clap behind her. She spun in a slow circle towards the person.

_You can own the earth and still__  
__All you'll own is earth until__  
__You can paint with all the colors of the wind_

When she found no one there, she shook her head. "I'm delusional." she whispered.

She poked at the white flesh on her stomach and gagged as a memory washed over her.

She collapsed to the ground and shook.

Asking someone that wasn't there, she said, "What-What are you gonna do?"

Hearing the person respond in her mind, she started to shake even harder.

"Why are you-HELP!" she screamed.

Eventually she doubled over and gagged.

She spent the night in the forest.

**Sorry that this was short, I'm tired. Also, see that incredibly sexy review button? I'd hit that.**


	5. Chapter 5

Santana woke up on a large expanse of undergrowth shirtless. She quickly got up and found the trail, realizing that the club was probably worried sick. She couldn't have them thinking she was broken.

She found her shirt and put it on, but realized her arms were still visible. Shit.

She sighed and decided just to go with it. If they asked questions, then give them answers.

Wait, no, she couldn't do that.

She settled on rubbing dirt on them, and made her way back to the cabin.

She peeked through the window and saw the girls pacing and sighing. She smirked and decided just to lighten the mood.

She sprinted to the archery range and stole a bow and a quiver. She then ran to the mess hall and got a loaf of bread.

She ran past Kara, who looked at her like she was crazy, and sprinted to the cabin. Just before she entered the building, she stuck an arrow in the bread. She slithered inside and tiptoed. She shot an arrow into her bed, caching everyone's attention. She walked in with a childish expression and held out the bread.

"Queens of Bleska Koda, I bring gifts from your humble princess." she said with a flourish.

"SANTANA LOPEZ WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" Brittany shouted.

"Mountain."

"Why?" Quinn asked softly.

"Flashback scared me."

"We need to talk about that." Rachel said quietly.

"Yeah. Were you r-r-r-" Tina tripped over the last word.

"Sort of."

"What do you mean?"

"Guys, if I tell you, the nightmares will come back. Unless you want to hear me scream at a higher pitch than Hummel's voice, I really don't want to talk about it. I'll tell you soon. Not right now."

The girls shot worried glances at each other, but shrugged.

/

Santana has a nightmare that night.

_-What the hell are you-_

_-relax, sweetie._

_-sweetie? _

_-baby, chill out._

_-no, what are you doing?_

_-I think you know._

_-what?_

_-Come on babe. How old are you sweetheart?_

_-16._

_-then you should know what this is._

_-No…_

_-Si, senorita._

_Santana spit at the leader of the gang. One of them pulled an object out of his pocket and approached her._

_-Stop._

_-aw, she thinks we're gonna listen._

_-Please… stop…_

_-babe, enjoy._

Santana woke up. She automatically clamped a hand over her mouth, and dove under the covers. She found the object she needed, a small toy rabbit. The rabbit was green and had a pink ribbon tied around it's neck.

She took a few deep breaths and started to rock back and forth slowly. She surveyed the room, and noticed all the girls were wide awake and staring at her. Quinn and Brittany had tears leaking out of their eyes.

"Santi…" Brittany whispered.

"Sorry." Santana said, her voice dripping with regret.

"San…what happened?"

"I-I-I'm sorry…I-I can't…"

"Babe, come on."

Santana's eyes widened and she clamped a hand over her mouth again.

She clutched the rabbit like it was her lifeline. The memories were washing over her again, the floodgate she kept so tightly locked suddenly opened.

"Get Kara and Jas." she whispered.

"Santana…"

"Get Kara and Jas." she whispered again.

"What did I say?" Brittany asked slowly.

The memories were enveloping her, drowning her.

"Why are you doing this?" she mouthed to herself.

The invisible person told her why.

"You're twisted." she said, her eyes twice the size they should have been.

She managed to snap out of it for a while. "Get Kara and Jas." she ordered again.

"Why?"

"Quinn, please…"

"Fine."

Tina and Rachel disappeared outside and reappeared within a few minutes with Kara and Jas.

"Thank god." Santana whispered.

"Santana…" Kara whispered.

"She said that-that thing."

"What did she say?"

"Babe, come on." Santana whispered. Kara nodded and offered her hand to Santana. Santana hesitantly took it and followed Jas out the door.

The club stared at her. They were all so confused.

They all knew one thing though. Santana was broken.


	6. Chapter 6

Jas and Kara took Santana outside before she collapsed. Jas stroked her hair and Kara was trying to get Santana to focus.

It was to no avail. Santana was gone from the present and was reliving what happened on June 17, 2010.

She had tears streaming down her face and was clutching at her stomach. She winced and then whimpered. Kara stroked her knee while humming softly to her.

"Wh-wh-why?" Santana cried.

"I don't know sweetie." Jas answered.

"Please…stop…" Santana said.

"Honey…" Kara said.

"PLEASE!" she screamed before squeezing her eyes shut. Jas looked at Kara, who was already dialing the number for the 'therapist'. The therapist was much more than that, however. The man, called Chalk, would be anything you needed. He would be a friend, someone to talk to, someone to help you.

Santana, meanwhile, was writhing in pain and screaming.

In a few minutes Chalk jogged in and gave a soft smile to the girls. "PTSD?" his deep voice asked.

"Yeah." Jas whispered softly.

"Okay." Turning to Santana, he said, "Honey, I need you to look at me."

"No." She whimpered.

"Please?"

"No, no, NO!" she shrieked, pressing herself against a wall.

"Can you look at Kara or Jas?"

Santana's eyes darted around wildly and her shoulders tensed. "Why me?" she asked the memory.

Someone must have answered her question, because she choked back a sob.

"Santana, I need you to look at one of your friends."

Slowly Santana managed to look at Kara, who nodded encouragingly.

"Now say her name." Chalk said.

"K-K-Kara?" she whispered.

"Now, relax your shoulders."

Santana lowered her shoulders and sighed, her body still quivering.

"Good. I'm gonna go now, but call me if you need me again." Chalk said before darting towards the offices.

Santana put her head in her hands and sighed deeply. "How bad was it?"

"Santana, you should rest."

"Kara, I know it was god-awful for me. How bad was it for you?"

"…bad. It hurts seeing you like this."

"Oh shit. The glee club." Santana stated her eyes blank.

"Go tell them."

"I-I-I can't."

"You'll have to eventually. What if one of them sees the…"

"The proof that I'm broken?" Santana asked in a dangerous voice.

"No. The proof that you are brave." Jas said.

Santana let out a sob and looked up at the sky. She closed her eyes.

"Why don't you get these?" she asked Kara.

"I don't know. I guess you got the 'worst' of it." Kara responded quietly.

After a few minutes Santana wiped away her tears and walked silently back into the cabin.

One glance around the room told her that she was worse than she was during her nightmare.

Quinn was holding a shaking Brittany, and Tina was holding a silently sobbing Rachel.

"W-w-w-what happened?" Quinn asked, her voice unsteady.

"If I show you, you have to promise not to say a word. No questions, no noises, and god, no pitiful looks."

"San?" Brittany asked, raising her head a little. Santana nodded at her and Kara walked in the door.

"Okay, this is Kara Rodriguez. She was walking next to me on a deserted street one night a-an-an-" Santana closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.

**MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OKAY, NEW CHAPTER UP TONIGHT. AND YES, IT IS THE BIG REVEAL! BUT, WE STILL HAVE GOING BACK TO SCHOOL AND FINDING OUT MORE ABOUT THE REAL SANTANA! If you have any ideas at all, now is the time to tell me! If you don't, I can't tell you. Seriously. I will somehow censor all key words. So, if, let's say, three of you review or vote on the poll (MY STALKER DOES NOT COUNT), then you get answers. If, let's say, four or more of you review/vote on the poll then the chapter will be more than 1,000 words. Which is big, for this fic.**

**Well, now that I've written a paragraph, let's review. Ha, get it, review? But seriously, three of you review/vote and you get answers. Four or more review, 1,000+ words.**

**Simple enough, right? So, with that, I bid ye farewell until tonight! **

**XoXo,**

**H**


	7. Chapter 7

"Okay, this is Kara Rodriguez. She was walking next to me on a deserted street one night a-an-an-" Santana closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.

Kara put a hand on her shoulder. "Three guys decided to have some fun with us." Santana said.

"What do you mean, Santana?" Quinn asked in a low voice.

"One-one of them held me dow-down. The other-other two were rap-raping Kara."

"What did they do to you?"

"One of them tried to-tried to r-r-rape me. He managed to undress me before I k-kicked him off, but he-he had a k-knife."

"What did he do with the knife Santana?" Quinn said in the same low voice.

Santana closed her eyes and took a few shallow breaths.

Kara glanced at her worriedly, but Santana just shook her head.

"I can't tell you, or else I'll have to relive it. But I can show you." she whispered.

"Okay." The girls whispered, terrified for their friend.

Santana took a deep breath and glanced with pleading eyes at Kara. Kara nodded and took off Santana's shirt for her.

Santana looked down as the girls took in her body.

Santana also took off her shorts, so she was left in a bra and underwear.

She glanced at Kara, who already had a wet towel in her hand. She handed it to Santana and she washed off her mask of concealer.

She knew the map of their pictures by heart now.

Rose on her left shoulder.

Vines on her calves.

Lyrics on her thighs.

Her abs had been outlined. Stomach had a smiley face on it.

Sides housed two stripper poles.

Her breasts were so badly mauled she had to get a boob job.

Their initials on her back.

A skull on her right shoulder.

Her jawline had been traced.

Down her arms, there were teardrops.

On her hand there were two words: Spic and Slut.

On her butt they had kindly written "Insert tramp stamp here".

Her foot housed a snake that slithered in between her toes.

They had carved in reserved, private places, too. They cut hateful slang, drawn awful pictures. She wouldn't show them that, though.

The worst of all was the space in between her neck and her breast. They had cut what might appear to be jagged lines, but they were actually letters. "Never say no." is what they read. The words were so disrespectful that every time she saw them or heard the phrase, she started to cry.

She started to cry a little as she felt the bumps of her scars through the cloth.

Once all the concealer was gone, she turned in a slow circle for the girls.

When she was facing them again, she opened her eyes.

She was met with several crying girls.

"No way are those _real_." Quinn said suddenly.

Santana's face crumbled.

Kara stepped in. "Quinn, I know you've been to Bleska before. You of all people should know that we don't joke or pull pranks about stuff like this."

The club completely ignored Santana's shocked face and focused on her scars.

"T-those are real?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah." Santana said.

"Who?" Brittany finally spoke. "Who hurt you so badly that you scream at someone that's not there?"

"They never found the guys."

A tear rolled down Brittany's cheek and she wiped it quickly.

Santana felt extremely vulnerable at that moment. Santana didn't like feeling vulnerable.

Rachel disappeared and reappeared a few minutes later with the boys behind her.

Santana's eyes widened to three times their size and Kara's did too.

Santana glanced around and found that she couldn't run. She started to shake as the boys' mouths dropped open in shock.

Puck walked to her and tried to wordlessly give her a hug. Santana screamed. Puck looked confused and hurt. Kara caught her as Santana started to convulse.

"JAS!" Kara screeched.

The club looked terrified for the writhing girl.

Santana was shaking and screaming at the top of her lungs. Kara was shaking but her shakes weren't PTSD.

Jas ran in and glared at the boys. She took over from Kara, who went over to the club and spoke in a low voice.

"Santana has severe PTSD. I do too. Puck, when you tried to give her a hug without even speaking to her she immediately remembered one of the guys doing the same thing. Whenever something sets it off, whatever she remembers at that point is what she relives. Since that was at the beginning of our horror story, she now has to relieve almost being raped and fucking carved like a jack-o-lantern."

"I'm-I-I didn't know." Puck said quietly.

"Of course not." Kara spat and turned to the girls.

"Those guys did unmentionable things to her and me. She will go over what is safe to do around her and what might set it off. I encourage you guys to stay away from her as she has a tendency to scream." With that Kara turned on her heel and walked over to Santana. Santana's eyes were shut and she was gripping Jas' hand so tightly that it was turning purple.

Jas looked at Kara. Santana's PTSD wasn't this bad, was it?

_SANTANA'S POV-ONLY TIME I DO 1__ST__ POV ON THIS FIC_

_I was walking next to this girl when these guys came up to us._

_I glanced at the girl and she screamed as one of them tried to hug me. They tackled the girl and dragged me into an alley._

_He started undoing my shirt and my pants when I kicked him off. He pulled a thin object from his pocket and ripped off my clothes._

_I am screaming. He comes closer as I scream, and pushes the point into my arm. He acts like I'm a canvas._

_He apparently decides how to cut me, because he digs in and slices my skin in two._

_I scream until I pass out._

Santana is screaming. The club is terrified and Kara is brushing the sweat from her forehead. Santana is thrashing.

"No, No, NO!" she screams again.

"…please." she whimpers.

"NO!" she screams again. Brittany has tears flying down her face, as does Quinn.

Santana is now crying and the club knows that her memory has changed to when the man cut her.

She is scream-crying now.

Santana thrashes around the bed until her eyes close and she is still.

The club glances worriedly at each other, but Kara shakes her head. "Trauma makes her pass out."

"Oh." Rachel says.

Kara gets up and traces on of Santana's scars.

"He almost killed her." she whispered.

"Santana was hanging on, but the doctors almost gave up hope when she crashed the third time."

The club blanched.

Kara continued on. "She crashed two more times before slipping into a coma."

The club feels tears prick their eyes.

"She had to get plastic surgery on her breast because they mauled her." Kara whispers.

Quinn sinks into the bed.

Santana stirs and gets up without a word.

She grabs her clothes and walks out the door without a word.

**OKAY! SO, we know what happened to Santana and Kara now! NayannaRiveragron, you were partly right, like I said. Thanks to my stalker, BrittSnixx. Up next, we find out why Quinn went to Bleska Koda and we see angst-Santana!**

**Also, I would like to ask something.**

**BrittSnixx, will you be my unofficial beta?**


	8. Chapter 8

Santana was waging mental war on herself. Why did she show them the scars? She had a PTSD attack every time she told someone.

Kara followed her out of the quiet room. Santana started to run until she reached the ropes course.

Kara darted back to get the others. They needed to see what Santana was really like on the inside.

Santana rolled her eyes as she saw the club approaching. She glanced at a tree and lunged at it, scaling it in no time. She reached the web of tangled ropes and smiled to herself. This was one of her many sanctuaries at Bleska Koda.

She back flipped over the ropes and onto a thin pole. She stood on it and waited.

A hummingbird flew past her and she smiled. She closed her eyes and waited until a sunbeam illuminated her in the shadows. A slight breeze tickled her neck and she breathed deeply. David appeared from a different part of the ropes and whispered something to her.

"You are beautiful." he whispered.

"No I'm not." Santana said, her voice cracking. "I'm hideous."

"Santana, you are beautiful. I hate that you can't see it."

"How am I supposed to see something beautiful out of this scarred mess?"

"You're like a Phoenix, Santana. You will overcome this. Just like a Phoenix rises from the ashes." David said.

Santana closed her eyes.

"I feel like the world is putting its weight on me."

"Yeah. That happens sometimes."

"I'm not beautiful. I'm a mess of carved flesh."

"Say it."

"No."

"Say it."

"No, I can't."

"It helped Kara, it can help you."

"…fine."

"Okay, repeat after me: I am beautiful, and no man can change that."

"I am beautiful, and no man can change that."

"Thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a domestic violence victim to teach." With that he disappeared between the pines.

Santana let her eyes drop towards the ground she took a deep breath and jumped off the pole and on to the ground. She didn't acknowledge the club, just broke into a run.

The club followed her and found her with a seven year old girl.

"Hey Santi." The girl whispered.

"Hey Kay. How are you doing?"

"Better. The bruises are going away now and Doctor Evans says that soon my brain will be good."

Santana rubbed her head and Kay giggled.

"I personally think your head is fine."

"Thank you. How are you doing?"

"Well Kay, some things aren't going to go away. I might have my booboos for the rest of my life. Isn't that sad?"

Kay nodded. "But you're brave, right?"

"Yeah, I guess I am."

"Hey how are you and Brittany going?"

"Great. We're dating actually."

Kay clapped her hands excitedly. She was so mature for a seven year old.

"My mommy's gone bye bye." Kay said nonchalantly. "Dancey says that I won't see her for a long time. Daddy too. Dancey says that they're with God. Do you believe in God Santi?"

"…sometimes, yes. Other times, I wonder."

"That's what I do too."

Santana wrapped the smaller girl in a hug. "Love you Kay."

"Love you Santi."

"Good luck with your next X-ray, okay?"

"Thank you. Good luck with your healing!"

"Thank you!"

Santana broke into another run. She headed up the trail and into the woods, but this time took a right into the waterfall. She noticed the trees blurring together and was aware of the club behind her. She got to the waterfall and jumped down to the ledge.

Just as the glee club stopped, Santana jumped behind the waterfall into the cave. The club screamed and Kara just hopped down. She also climbed into the cave and found Santana staring at her letters. She was trembling.

"Santana, sweetie, come here."

Santana shook her head and pointed at the wall.

Kara was confused until she saw the faint writing. "Help me. I am so sorry, so, so, so sorry. My buddies and I were just having some fun with these two girls. We were so drunk and so stupid. Two of my friends started to rape this one girl and then this Latina girl kicked me and so I got mad and I knifed her and now I'm on the run. I came here because I swear I saw her here and I needed to apologize. I ruined someone's life and I am so fucking sorry.

-Gavin"

Kara gasped and held Santana to her chest, rocking back and forth.

Santana was crying and so was Kara when Jas climbed in.

"What?" she asked in a compassionate voice.

Santana pointed a shaking finger at the letter and sobbed louder. Jas' face fell as she read and she held them both to her chest.

"Sh, sh, sweethearts, it's okay, it's okay. It's just Jasmine. Kara, I need you to look at me. Santana, I need you to look at me also."

They were trembling but they looked at her and Jas nodded.

"Okay, now I'm gonna go get Brittany." she whispered. Santana nodded.

Jas walked out of the cave and saw a man talking to the club. The man looked about 20 and had a scruffy beard.

"Please, I swear I just saw her, I have to apologize, I-"

" Are you Gavin?" Jas whispered. Gavin's head turned towards her and he nodded.

"I'm Gavin."


	9. Chapter 9

Jas pulled herself up off the ledge and reached Gavin. He opened his mouth and she delivered an open-hand smack to his cheek.

"I deserved that." he whispered.

"No, you deserve so much more than that." Jas growled. She spit at him, hopped back down into the cave and reappeared with Santana and Kara.

"Santana, its Gavin." she whispered.

Kara stiffened and Santana's eyes got wide.

Gavin closed his eyes. Santana cleared her throat.

"I need to have a word with Gavin. Kara come too."

With this she dragged Gavin into the cave.

"I'm so sorry." Gavin broke the silence.

"I know what I did is never excusable, but I am so, so sorry."

Santana made eye contact with him. "I want you to see what you did to me." She growled.

With this she removed her shirt, her shorts, finally her underwear. She felt Gavin's ashamed gaze on her and she growled.

"First: Scars. Everywhere. Second, a boob job because you so kindly mauled my God-given ones. Third, frequent nightmares. Fourth, random PTSD attacks that often injure myself or others. Kara now has to go to therapy to work past the rape and gave birth to one of your asshole friend's children."

Gavin swallowed and Santana closed her eyes. "You tried to rape me. That right there can land someone in therapy. Then you cut me with a rusty knife and watched me almost bleed out."

Gavin closed his eyes "I am so sorry." He whispered.

"I believe you." Santana said. "But sorry doesn't give me my boobs back. It doesn't reverse the effects of tetanus. It doesn't make my skin go back to normal. It doesn't heal my mind."

Gavin sank to the floor.

"Look, I'm surprised I lasted this long without a PTSD attack." Santana pointed out. Kara was just numb.

"Please just kick my ass." Gavin said.

Santana gave a cold, heartless laugh. "It's not that easy buddy."

Gavin squeezed his eyes shut as Santana punched him squarely in the jaw. Kara roused and kicked him in his balls. He cried out and Santana sighed.

"Look, you're going to leave. Nothing you say or do can reverse the effects of this. I hope you're happy, and I hope you got your 'fun'." Santana said.

"I'm turning myself in." he said quietly. "I can't stand the guilt."

Santana nodded. "Good."

Kara left and Santana did too.

They saw Gavin run in the opposite direction as them and approached the glee club.

"Hey Jas." Kara whispered.

Her eyes widened and she pointed a shaking finger towards a tree.

"Jas, Jas, Jas, JAS!" Kara finally broke now that Gavin was gone.

Jasmine realized what was happening and took Kara over to a corner. Santana was at her side in an instant.

"Kara, Kara, breathe with me, they aren't there, David's brother isn't there, Gavin isn't there, and that other guy isn't there." Santana said in a cool, calming voice.

Kara shook her head. "No, please." She sobbed.

"Please…" she whispered.

Santana sighed as Kara passed out. Santana walked over to the club and gave them a half-hearted smile.

"San, who was that?" Brittany asked.

"Gavin." Santana told her.

"Who's he?"

Santana wanted to say a million things at that moment. She wanted to call him a heartless bastard, the guy that ruined her life, the man that haunts her dreams. But instead, she fell apart. She was flooded with memories of him cutting her, him kicking her.

She squeezed her eyes shut and started to pull at her hair. When she opened her eyes, she was obviously having a PTSD episode.

Santana closed her eyes and saw Gavin coming towards her, Gavin pulling out a knife, Gavin caressing her face before stabbing. She shuddered and made a small squeak noise.

Jas put a hand on her shoulder and smiled softly at her.

"Santana, I need you to look at me."

Jas forced Santana's chin upwards and her eyes involuntarily opened. Santana relaxed as she saw Jas' green eyes and she sighed.

"Thanks." she whispered. Jas nodded.

Santana stood up. "Sorry, stupid fucking memories." She muttered.

"Who is Gavin, Santana?" Mr. Schue asked.

"Gavin is the man that…decorated me. He left us a note in the cave and then he appeared to you guys. He's really sorry and is on his way to turn himself in."

Brittany's eyes got wide. "He just showed up like that?" she asked.

Santana nodded, looking off into the distance.

"You have no idea. No clue what it's like for me. Kara gave birth to one of the guy's kids. The other one was her boyfriend's brother, but David says that he's either in prison or dead." Santana whispered, her eyes shut.

Her eyes flew open and she said in a cheerful voice, "Who wants to do camp activities? I do! Let's go!"


	10. Chapter 10

Santana led them to a giant pit. It was made of clear Plexi glass and there was a ball in the center. Santana hopped in and so did the others.

"Okay this game is called GaGa. You use your hands to hit the other player's feet. Any other body part and you're fine, but if it hits your feet then you are out, until the person who hit you is out."

The next few hours were spent screaming at each other during a vigorous game.

When they were done, they headed back to the cabin.

"Santana, I don't want to push, but please tell us everything? Not just about the bad things, but about you. Talking helps, you know." Quinn asked timidly.

Santana nodded dumbly.

"Okay. So, like I said, I've been to Machu Picchu and Africa, but I've also been to Antarctica and Asia and Madagascar. My favorite was probably going to India. That was fun." She said.

The members were hung on her every word.

"I had just gotten back from a trip to Singapore. My dad sent me to the store and on my way back Kara and I were dragged into an alley. You guys know what happened from there." Santana said quietly.

The boys shook their heads. "Actually, we don't. Well, Kara told us a little bit, but what happened exactly?"

Santana sighed. "Three guys. They dragged me into an alley and tried to rape me. Then when I kicked them off, one of them pulled a knife on me. It was rusty. The knife introduced tetanus into my system at my breast, so parts had to be removed and replaced. I have a mental map of my body if you want to know exactly what happened."

The club nodded shyly. "Whatever helps."

Santana took a deep breath. "It was like fire. It was so awful. You know how when you're little you accidentally burn your finger and it stings for a while? Well this was more than a little while. I remember thinking that maybe, just maybe it wasn't going to happen, that they were just ghosting it around. And then Gavin pushed down. I remember not being able to scream because it hurt so badly."

"I remember that it cut through my skin like butter and that after five minutes I passed out. I remember waking up in a hospital a month later and finding out that they had given me plastic surgery on my boobs to get rid of the tetanus and that I had scars all over my body."

"I remember exactly what they are. I remember vaguely thinking that the rose on my shoulder was once red with my blood. I remember not being able to speak for a week because of the chest pain."

The club now had tears running down their faces.

"I remember the first time I had an attack. It was right before school started. I remember someone said something that they had said and then all of a sudden I was back at that night, and they were cutting me again, and when I came to I was in my bed."

"I remember that my dad sent me to Bleska Koda that winter and spring break. I remember that Kara was here too and we realized we were victims of the same attack. I remember wanting to kill her boyfriend after I found out his brother was one of the guys. I remember getting better. Then I came back here and I realized that I'm not as stable as I thought I was."

The club was openly crying.

"I shouldn't have brought you here and I'm sorry. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

Santana sat down and squeezed her eyes shut.

She felt an arm shaking hers and her eyes flew open.

She looked around, confused, and saw trees speeding by. She realized she was in a car.

She noticed the club was staring at her, turned around in their seats.

"Santana? You fell asleep. We're almost to Bleska." Brittany choked out. Santana furrowed her eyebrows. Why was the club staring at her?

"Honey, what are those?" Brittany asked in a high pitched voice, pointing to her arm.

Santana looked down and realized her concealer had worn off. There was a scar visible on her arm.

She sighed. "There's something I have to tell you before we get there…"

**THE END.**


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